Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze Review (Wii U)
Video Transcript
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and
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fellow humans
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I am broke the robot and I am the payroll by
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and together we are the ranting robots very clever today we are reviewing
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another Nintendo platformer
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another Nintendo game with bright enough colors to melt human eyeballs
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another Nintendo game revolving around a fucking birthday cake
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Donkey Kong Country tropical freeze Donkey Kong is a primate who wears No
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Pants but has a tie on very classy nudist I must say
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and he lives a peaceful life eating banana swinging on ropes in keeping
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candycane locked up in his basement apparently seriously where the
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is she yes is tropical life is very simple
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until a group of animal Vikings called the snow mad to work from a cold climate
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with snow and are also very mad
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come to Donkey Kong’s warm climate and make his warm climate a cold climate
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that’s the tropical name subtitle
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global warming is funny through a series of Duty levels
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Donkey Kong must travel usually left to right in order to fix the climate change
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murder all the snow Matt animals and wonder where the King care all went who
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mysteriously disappear for no god damn reason is the main villain
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on this 2d plane of existence Donkey Kong is forever tortured by having to
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collect four letters on every level that spell out the word Kong over and over
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again like a survivalist
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aunt collecting acorns for the oncoming and apocalypse
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can I get an ant farm produce now bleep you wouldn’t feed it and it would be my
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responsibility to have been incinerated
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and I ain’t got time for that this time there are changes to the 2d aspect of
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this game
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as there is a dynamic camera that occasionally ships to show more
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evocative angles and 3d aspect from time to time time after time Cyndi Lauper
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song to give DK some new moves there are also other mammal friends who can help
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DK out like his little friend Eddie
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who is also in the No Pants club when he jumps on dick is back
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you can use his jetpack to hover and give DK a longer jump there’s Dixie
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who can twirl your hair and allow DK to travel long distances as well but get a
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vertical boost in the process
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and cranky is there to this time who can bounce around like a special needs child
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hopped up on high fructose corn syrup at a Chuck E Cheese’s playroom a tough
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lover
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he can bounce on spiky things very much like Scrooge McDuck from the awesome
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game DuckTales woohoo
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here’s a review for that if you’re interested and if you don’t like us
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putting a lake there suck my robotic balls cross promotion is the future
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damnit if you let me get the and farm
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I will make the ants watch our videos how’s that for a cross prayer mary she
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an
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your be on clueless each of these character moves will help you access
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part to the level that cannot otherwise be reached like an obese woman only able
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to wash your back with the thirty nine and a half foot loofah
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probably robots appreciate three characters we think it is a bad game
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play decision to remove the tag team element sometimes I want to play as
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other people instead of having them be glorified power-ups
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if daily or Dixie are cranky put the title glorify power up on a resume they
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would probably not get hired
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unless you’re trying to get a job as a glorified power up the game does a fine
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job at mixing up level mechanics with beautiful swimming levels
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or silhouette levels or zip line levels or log flume levels that do not require
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hand stamps or annoying screaming children for evil yet hilarious minecart
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levels for even more
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evil and hilarious rocket power levels for levels made of jelly
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or even levels that have obviously been touched by an arsonist because they’re
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on fire destroying nature because nature’s a cruel bitch
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these levels are all made even better with the original compositions up david
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wise
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the man who composed the awesome soundtracks for snake rattle and roll
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Diddy Kong Racing Star Fox Adventures the original Donkey Kong trilogy
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and more now that’s a fucking awesome resume david wise human
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would you like to compose a song for the robot uprising I’ll have him write me a
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song
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about my ant farm it will be cool it will be about as cool as the checkpoint
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pig meaning not cool at all because is not going to exist
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just like the kremlin’s apparently seriously where the credit from links to
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also scattered throughout the levels are puzzle pieces which are lot concept RN
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3d models and sound test god damnit retro
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have the puzzle pieces unlock something fun and active in game-changing rather
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than something you stare at look at like a stupid piece a paper on the wall
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wallpapers what I’m trying to say it’s about as exciting as wallpaper
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blue you seem extra angry today I thought you love Donkey Kong
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thank you for caring bleep but your fate consideration will not get to an ant
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farm so give up
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the biggest problem I have with this game is that just like Donkey Kong
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Country Returns on the Wii
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ignores the major improvements brought on in Donkey Kong Country 2 and three
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for the Super Nintendo
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don’t get me wrong the level design is fine and retro does a fine job at this
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game but it’s lacking a special charm that the rare games had
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and this is probably gonna take a few people of I know for example
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the bonus rooms are quite monotonous and lack variety the overworld doesn’t offer
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freedom and the ability to move around like the lake system
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and Donkey Kong Country 3 the art style is bright and cartoony and kinda flat
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lookin compared to the pre rendered graphics for the Super Nintendo
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with shadows and a moody atmosphere the sound effects on jumping on things is
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unfulfilling
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always need a good death just noise and my right to the heart if I DK coins that
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actually a lot cool things have disappeared
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the secret hidden invisible barrels are gone as well apparently ran be there
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right now had all of the other animal buddies executed
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the meat side quest rating from Donkey Kong Country 3 is gone
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secrets are not as organically woven into the world map like the older games
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there are fewer levels and fewer worlds in this game compared two games may
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twenty years ago
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the ending boss fight has no hype our build-up what so ever
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and the camera is so far zoomed out to show the details of the background that
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the characters are too god dam tiny
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if I wanted to see tiny Kong then I would play Donkey Kong 64 simply throw I
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love the cons into a device from Honey I Shrunk the Kids which
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man I and there are ants in that movie no comment
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the game also fails at being a fan service and that the enemy still lack
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personality
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the kremlin’s in King game rule were much better and I love them and i cant
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believe intend on retro are completely forgetting about them
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I cannot express this enough Retro Game Studios you need to combine your great
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level design
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with the appropriate fanservice elements and improvements from Donkey Kong
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Country 2 and three
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it’s like you didn’t even play though sometimes boy real you really are
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a ranting robot I know bleep thank you for the compliment
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show can I have the and farm not a fcuking chance
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in conclusion Donkey Kong Country tropical freeze gets two scores
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the first score it gets a nine out of 10 box as a stand-alone game
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if you ignore the title in the fact that it is not Metroid apparently
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reviewers care about that these days but as a Donkey Kong Country game
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it gets an eight out of 10 Botts there are multiple difficulty levels
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online leaderboards it is absolute fun however with all of the changes made
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from the original trilogy
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and how it ignores vast improvement and staples up the series
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it’s not living up to its full potential much like a rebellious genius robot who
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go to become a lawyer or a professor but instead travel to a plant for love
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stupid human life and is stuck with an asshole robot obsessed with god damn ant
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farm staff pot sounds like a used their
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indeed this review is over and please don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube
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channel
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they are ranting robots by by
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humaneness